Questions from the Bedside: “Can They Still Hear Me?”
This is one of the questions I hear most often at the bedside. “Can they still hear me?” The honest answer? We don’t really know for sure.
What we do know is that hearing is believed to be one of the last senses to diminish. Some research suggests that people may continue to process sounds even after they’ve become unresponsive. In one 2020 study, researchers used EEGs to measure brain activity in unresponsive hospice patients and found that some continued to show brain responses to sound, even though they could no longer communicate. Even long before we had EEGs or neuroscience, people were already doing exactly that. Across cultures and history, our instinct has been to lean in. We pray, sing, recite sacred texts, offer blessing, and speak words of love to the dying.
Even if we never had a single research study to support this, I would still encourage it. Say all the things. Tell them you love them. Thank them. Forgive them. Read their favorite poem. Tell them how much you cherish that favorite family recipe, that vacation, the silliest inside joke, or that little trinket they always kept on the shelf. Play their music. Tell them how you’ll carry them with you.
Don’t worry so much about saying the wrong thing. In my experience, people are far more likely to regret the things they never said than the imperfect words they did.
I’ve also witnessed moments where people say, “it’s okay, we’ll be okay, you can rest now”. Whether those words are heard in the way we hope, I can’t say for sure. I can say that I’ve watched those words bring peace to not only the person dying, but to the people who love them.
One of the greatest privileges of my work is being invited into these deeply sacred moments. Time and time again, I’ve watched death strip away everything but what matters most. Walls come down and hearts open up. Love becomes beautifully uncomplicated and raw.
So if you’re wondering whether to keep talking… I would. Not because anyone can promise they’ll hear every word, but because some things are worth doing whether we have certainty or not. And if you don’t know what to say? That’s okay too. Let your presence speak for you.
